Vote For Me

I was thinking of the platforms many run on as they run for various positions of office and started to brainstorm what platforms I might be passionate about. I have no intention of running for anything- not even PTA president or neighborhood watch president, but if I did run for office here are some passion pieces I would set my campaign around:

• Toddlers can only whine once per day

  • We all need to whine sometimes and toddlers like to abuse that privilege a bit in my humble opinion. I propose they get one time a day to get their whining out and it can only be for 30 seconds. I can take 30 seconds of complaints about the wrong cup color, that a sibling has the toy they want or that I gave them the round chicken nuggets when they wanted the dinosaur ones. I can take 30 seconds. I can’t take 30 seconds of it every 5 minutes though. So, once I become President of whatever toddlers will see this limitation implemented immediately.

• Pockets required on dresses

  • This personally doesn’t seem like that crazy of a thought. Do you see men’s pants omitting pockets? Now I know I know 50% of you are probably thinking well women have purses so they don’t need pockets. Here’s something I have to tell you though- I hate carrying a purse. I just do. I want pockets and it’s hot as hell in the summer so I need a dress as my personal A/C unit during this season. Give me pockets or give me death.

  Macaroni & Cheese is added to the food pyramid

  • I need no one to argue with me here and I can possibly guarantee that no one would. Macaroni & cheese deserves its spot on the pyramid. I can promise you I’ll talk to the Pyramid gate keeper when I’m elected and get this straightened out right away!

• Volunteer mothers day out program

  • Every mother regardless of occupation, income or any other situation should get one day out a month to themselves (I think they deserve more, but we will start with one). When I’m elected I’ll work on getting a program together with trustworthy, loving people who want to take care of your kids for your day once a month. These caretakers will be so trustworthy that on your day out you will have no fear for your children’s safety, no fear they’re throwing tantrums, that they miss you, none of that. You will simply be able to enjoy your day stress free. This one might be lofty, but big dreams are what this campaign is made of.

• Fall Weather 24/7

  • Get out of here people who love summer. We want fall weather 24/7 and I’m going to make it happen. Everyone feels great in their fall apparel and there is still plenty of wonderful weather to enjoy the outdoors. I understand there is a strong love for all things pumpkin and while I’m not 100% on board there I will embrace that part of fall weather and allow everyone to enjoy their pumpkin drinks, breads, and candles year round as well.

• Indoor playgrounds

  • Every town will have an indoor playground where mothers and fathers can take their children and enjoy amenities such as wine on tap, multiple recliners, tapas, noice cancelling headphones, queso, “lifeguards” on duty to monitor children on the play structure, head massages, and much more.

When you find yourself in the voting booth this upcoming election make sure you think of me as I would appreciate your vote for President.

I’m Lauren Leah and I approve this message.